This Reeks

First of all, is anyone else totally creeped out by Balloon Boy and his entire family? As soon as I heard they had been on Wife Swap twice, I knew something wasn't clean. Then they're on GMA and the Today show this morning and the kid is barfing everywhere and the parents don't seem to be that concerned that FALCON should probably be in bed. Do you think they forced him to puke to get more attention? I'm so confused. (p.s. I love the brother's face to the far left)

Hoax or not, the real question is What is up with the dad's hair?

Infuriation Nation - Deadbeat Dad Edition

It's that time again! Who is the worst, fame-whoring, money-grubbing, dead-beat dad out there??? We've got 3 contenders this week and they've all got their own specialties. Some are more experienced than others, but the bottom line is that these dads realize that being FAMOUS is always superior than just being normal. We can all agree, right. Right?

Michael Lohan

The most clearly effed up person in Hollywood is his daughter Lindsay. Instead of shutting down her career (as if she hasn't done that already) and demanding she get a hold of herself, ML has repeatedly talked to the press about her personal prescription drug problems, lesbian relationship issues, and troubles with White Oprah. We love it, but not sure the convict ML has his daughter's best interests at heart. (Why does he look like a mime in this pic?? scary!!)

Ryan O'Neal

So this guy is pretty bad. He made his daughter Tatem a raging drug addict years ago, and then most recently he was arrested for crack cocaine with his son Redmond. His kids claim he only got back together with Farrah on her death bed to get a piece of the will. It's all just sick and he seems like a grody-to-the-max person.

Jon Gosselin

Don't get me wrong. I used to watch this show. All the time! Like every week! And honestly I thought she was the biggest bitch ever and I couldn't understand how Jon (who seemed a lot like "us") could deal. Well I guess he couldn't deal. Which is understandable. But he went way off the pier of discouraged into the abyss of douchebaggery. He's unforgivable and it started with his dueling diamond studs. Mugshot's-a-comin' Jonny-boy.

VOTES TO THE RIGHT!!!!

What How Why

Ok, I'm Back! And I'll tell you what compelled me to come back was this video I just came across. Yes, it's 10 minutes long, which is absurd. But it's worth it because it Just. Keeps. Delivering. Whoever compiled it was definitely pausing for periods of time, which is annoying, but at least it gives you time to gather yourself and your thoughts and your liver. At the beginning you start to think, oh, "ain't we all been there!" No, no no no no. Something is wrong. And why, pray tell, does the shop keeper pick him up off the floor and then clearly allow him to purchase the case of Bud? Where is this place? And the time stamp says 10:50, but by the end you realize it's light outside. Good Mo'nin!!

How To Be An Important Business Woman

Hey all you ladies out there.  I know that you come to this site to learn some things about wacky celebs or odd news from around the globe.  But I know what my audience really wants.  And needs.  And it's tips on how to become a bona fide Important Business Woman.  For some people it's just an inherent trait. A god given talent that gives them the dynamic combination of fierceness and femininity.  Here's the good news for all you others out there:  it can be learned. Yes!  Follow the steps below and pay particular attention to #3.  Practice, practice, practice!!

Step 1: Dress all in black

Step 2: Smug smile - you mean business but you're not too intimidating (practice in mirror)

Step 3: ARMS CROSSED! (matter-of-factly)

There you have it....IBW!

Please see examples below, there are so many types of IBWs to choose from.  Which IBW will you be???

Temp Agency Brochure Model IBW

Professor IBW

Madam IBW

Makes $28k per year IBW

(p.s. wears disgusting open toed shoes with a suit. sick x infinity)

We Don't Only Employ White Peeps IBW

Mid-90s Law & Order IBW

No Nonsense Cyber IBW

Dental Company IBW

Receptionist by Day IBW

Awkward to the Max

MK directed me to an amazing site called Awkward Family Photos I've pasted some of my favorites below, but I suggest looking throught their site, b/c there are too many gems for me to rip off and put up on here.  I think the first one and third one may be my favorites, but it's so hard to choose.   I mean, the first one...pleather mock chaps.  Nuff said.

 Ok and this final picture below will haunt me forever.  Soooo Scared!!!

Infuriation Nation May 6

THE TRANNY EDITION!

All of these "women" could definitely be mistaken for men and they're infuriating for many different reasons. Not to mention that all of them have name recognition for having done nothing at all. I don't really have any quotes to share as I feel the pictures speak for themselves.

Tameka Foster, Chyna, Brooke Hogan

Peoples Has Kids That They Tryin To Feed

"And you mean to tell me we can't feed our kids????"

Dumb and Weird and Gross

Remember that guy who smuggled 14 birds into the country in his pants? Finally, here is the picture we've all been waiting for. I was kind of disappointed because when I hear "in pants" I assumed they were down the top of his pants, which logistically made no sense. Which made it HILARIOUS! However, I guess his little mechanism is sort of ridic...but I still want to know how NO ONE heard tweeting birds during a flight from Vietnam to California. I mean, I'm not exactly surprised that they let them out of Vietnam.

CBP (US Customs) agents inspected Dong and "found bird feathers and droppings on his socks, as well as birds' tail feathers visible under his pants." A subsequent search "discovered 14 live birds attached to two flat pieces of cloth that were wrapped around his calves. The birds included three red-whiskered bul-buls (which is listed as an injurious species under federal law), four magpie robins and six shama thrush." The birds each appear to have been placed in sleeves that were hooked on to the cloth around Dong's legs.

What's more ridiculous about this is that he bought the birds for $50 each to sell them for about $300 to $400 per. Yes, it's a good mark up, but I'm pretty sure it's going to take a whole lot more money for birds to shit on my socks in a confined pant leg for 10s of hours on a stinky plane. I'm just sayin is all.

Why do birds suddenly appear...?

Elderly man mistakes card for noisy neighbors

German police said an elderly man was so annoyed at hearing the same serenade over and over that he called authorities to report his neighbors - only to discover the culprit was a musical greeting card on his own windowsill. Police said Tuesday the 82-year-old from Goslar in central Germany told officers he was sick of the music, which would come at irregular intervals and at all hours.

Upon further investigation, police found the musical greeting card on his windowsill, where occasional breezes opened the card just enough to play an irritating tune.

Police said the retiree was happy to find out his neighbors weren't trying to annoy him.
AP

Your Business Card is CRAP!

Any serious IBW needs to view this video and seirously consider what thier business card says about them.

Oh Yeah, We Did It!

In the immortal words of Dora the Explora "We did it, we did it, we did it, yeah!"

Lonely? Is that you?

Meet James Randolph...he may just be our pal "Lonely"!!

From the Des Moines Register :

Des Moines police say James Randolph apparently jumps into the river because he likes the attention. It happened again on Tuesday. 

According to police, Randolph, 53, went to the police station to report that drug dealers took his money. He talked with a member of the report unit and then asked to speak with a police officer. 

While waiting for the officer to arrive, Randolph asked for a pen and a piece of paper. On it he wrote the word "river" and he handed it back to a police employee.

Randolph left the police station and officers were notified because he has jumped into the river in the past. "He seems to enjoy the attention he receives from this behavior," officers said in a report. 

Police located him on the bank of the Des Moines River north of City Hall about 11:20 a.m., standing outside the railing. A moment later he was dog-paddling in the river. He was talking and making jokes and then climbed out of the water by himself and began gathering shells, according to a police report.

Police said Randolph climbed up a ladder provided by a rescue team. Officers said Randolph asked if they had gathered up his coat and glasses that he'd left at the river bank. Informed that no one had collected them, Randolph became upset. 

At the emergency room at Broadlawns Medical Center he spit on an officer and told her, "I thought you were my friend." He also threatened her, officers said. 

He was taken to the Polk County Jail where he is being held this morning without bond on charges of disorderly conduct and assault on a police officer.

OMG It's PRINCE!

Ok so for those of you who don't know, a few years back in Vegas Prince him(her)self walked by 2 feet away from us and the only description I have of that moment is that I think I melted. Every other time I've seen a celeb in real life, I have always just laughed nervously while pretending I don't see them so I don't feed their ego.  Not Prince.  I screamed and almost fell to the ground.  Truly a surreal moment that I wasn't sure had actually happened.  

So since then, I've been trying to compile a list of celebs that would garner that same reaction.  Here is a short list that I've compiled so far, and I know I'm forgetting some good ones.  Make suggestions in the comments and then in a couple days we can vote on the celeb that would get the biggest freakout. 

UPDATE!!!

DUH! I forgot Mimi!

Bike Ethan, BIKE!!!!

Meet 15 year old Ethan Johnson from Brisbane, Australia.  Like any normal day, he left home with his bike on his way to school on March 30th.  10 days and 600 miles later he shows up in Sydney suburbs, with no intention of stopping.  Yes, he has a little bit wrong with him, some mild form of aspergers.  But I love that he leaves home, turns off his cell, hits up every Mickey D's he can find and sleeps at truck stops during his massive solo exploration of the Australian countryside.  Apparently he covered 100 miles a day for 6 days straight on his bike and then spent 4 days boppin around the Sydney train network spending his downtime watching dvds of train journeys on his portable player. (what???)

I also love the action shot above, particularly his biking outfit with speed flames on the side.  No shit! He rode 100 miles per day!!!  He's like an out-of-it energizer bunny who was fueled only by the desire to be released from his mom's deathgrip headlock. 

courier mail

Das Polar Bear ATTACK!

By now surely you've all read about the insano polar bear lady who jumped into the Polar Bear enclosure at Berlin zoo during feeding time.  Apparently she jumped a fence, shrubs and a stone wall to get at her fuzzy little babies.  Well the FLBs didn't really have snuggling in mind.  Crazy lady made it all the way over to where the bears were and well, the picture speaks for itself.  

Finally she realizes it's a good idea to get the hell outta there so she goes for the wall where zoopeople have dropped down liferings.  Well, as you can see in the video below, on the first rescue attempt, her fat ass broke the lifesaver.  It finally takes several attempts to get her out while the bears nip at her.  I love crazy people.  

Oh and I believe she was at the zoo on an outing with her husband and kids.  "hey dad, what's mom doing?"